Disaster strikes at the Austrian Grand Prix as Bungle (Mark Blundell) replaces Martin Brundle in the commentary box because he has family commitments…first Murray abandons us and now Martin, what is the world coming to!? And what is it with drivers I support…first Eddie dies his hair blonde now Ralfy has followed suit, although to give him his due, at least he has the intelligence to tell everyone it was a mistake by his hairdresser…despite being dumb enough to do it in the first place!! Montoya refused to comment on the issue…I bet that must have killed him!!

Talking of Monty, in a week when England's World Cup squad was officially announced, I thought we'd heard the last of Beckham's injured foot…but that delusion was shattered as it was announced that they guy he ran over in the pitlane two weeks ago…get this…has exactly the same injury...a broken metatarsal...if I hear that word one more time!! Why they can't just say that he's broken his foot, I don't know… let's just hope the pit crew can cope a little better without their main man, than England do without Becks. (That's the footballer not the beer…although I'm sure some supporters may want to argue the point).

The big question over Honda's future in the sport continues, Villeneuve blaming their slow progress on the fact that they are supplying two teams, now while there is logic in that statement, I have a feeling that the fact that BAR have a race engineer who's a sculptor and a mechanic that's a photographer may have something to do with it…surely an engineer and a mechanic would have been the better option. What next a driver that's paid millions to run at the back of midfield?!

Lauda has been reported as saying Eddie Jordan should put his hand in his own pocket to help out his team, saying "I haven't got a yacht…"…well maybe not Niki but then your team is running around at the back of the grid…so EJ isn't doing too badly…his team may be in financial trouble but they're still quicker than you and he's still got somewhere to take all the pretty girls on a weekend off…incidentally so has one of your drivers (and very nice it is too!!)

Talking of yachts, next week we're off to Monaco for a historical race in the Principality… where, of all people, Takuma Sato will try to get a feel for the circuit in a 35-year-old car…previously owned by none other than Graham Hill. The idea is for him to familiarise himself with the corners, runoffs, Marshals and no doubt the tow truck personnel before the big one the week after!! Luckily for Damon the car is insured to the tune of around £10M so he reckons he should be "quids in" by the end of the race!!

On to the qualifying session itself…Austria is set in chocolate box surroundings, nothing but green to be seen in every direction…except on track of course where the colour was undoubtedly red…but this time it was Ruby red as at last the monkey showed the organ grinder how it was done!!

It wasn't all plain sailing for the Brazilian though, as on his first flying lap he slid into the gravel on oil from Trulli's blown engine, which brought out the red flag and a truck to lay down cement and clean up the area…incidentally did anyone notice the name on the side of the truck?? Der Saubermacher…now who says Ferrari aren't monopolising the sport!?

The threat of rain continued to dominate the lull in proceedings…but more from the commentators than the weather, they harped on about it so much that even the cows around the circuit began to lie down in anticipation…or should that be submission…

As time began to tick away, many took the decision to run two consecutive flying laps and we witnessed three miracles…first Rubens driving faultlessly just getting faster and faster…and then the two 'coolest' men in the pitlane losing their cool as Monty gestured wildly at his crew to get him back out…albeit in the spare, and Michael spinning off track and then running around like a headless chicken in the Ferrari garage as they also brought out the spare with six minutes left in the session.

Needless to say, neither Schui nor Montoya looked at 'Juan' with their cars and it was left to Ralfy to take second spot on the grid…the only driver to get even close to Barrichello. Just about everyone went off in practice and it wasn't far off being the same story in qualifying. Kimi out did Coulthard yet again, Massa splitting them in seventh and Heidfeld taking fifth ahead of his rival for the McLaren drive…bet that brought a smile to his face.

Schumacher has never won here (the only track where he hasn't incidentally) and will be aiming to change that fact tomorrow but sitting along side archrival, Monty, I don't rate his chances of making it to the end…of the first corner!! Team-mates will set out line astern as the lights go out and despite the fact that I predict Williams (both of them) will lead into turn one, I will end with a song for the man of the moment…

It's time to play the music
It's time to light the lights
It's time to meet the Muppets on the Muppet Show tonight.

All together now!!

It's time to put on makeup
It's time to dress up right
It's time to raise the curtain on the Muppet Show tonight.

See you on the grid!!

Reproduced with permission from PenelopeF1.com

Important! Views and opinions expressed in these articles do not necessarily coincide with the views and opinions of F1express.com.