What a day…Sunday lunch, roaring fire, a bottle of chilled white wine, a Grand Prix on TV at a reasonable hour and CHOCOLATE!! What more could a girl ask for… The questions before the race began had to be…who would have chocolate egg all over their faces…who would be happy bunnies or the hot cross bunnies…who would be the Messiah and rise again to save us all from Michael Schumacher…and who would be the blonde chick!?

We didn't have to wait long to give out the first award…'Blonde Chick'…in warmup, Bernoldi spins, hits the wall, his car catches fire…the medical team have time to get there but Heidfeld pleads ignorance of the accident when he comes flying into the corner, drives up the inside of the stricken Arrows narrowly missing Bernoldi who is now standing in the cockpit of his burning wreck and takes off the door of the safety vehicle!! Granted the flags don't appear to have been as efficient as they might have been but six other cars managed to slow down and avoid the incident…but it's not that that annoys me…it's the fact that he is NOT penalised AT ALL…not a race ban, not even start at the back…NOTHING!! Replace the Sauber with a Williams or a Jordan and see if there's no penalty…I'm not one to be cynical (?) but what colour is the engine in Heidfeld's machine….

Anyway onto the award for 'Hot Cross Bunny' which was not an easy choice and had, eventually, to be shared between Martin Brundle of ITV suffering in the heat on his pitwalk trying desperately to talk to people…who desperately didn't want to talk to him finally ending up with a Motorsports Council Official who inspiringly thought the best car would win and Peter Windsor of Bernie Vision and about 90% of the male viewing population because there were no grid girls…allegedly Irvine had them all locked firmly in his quarters…I only know that because I'd locked myself in there with them!!

The start today was always going to be contentious and sure enough when Schui took the lead the inevitable happened and Monty lost his front wing…gaining a Union Jack on his on-board camera in the process (that part not so inevitable I grant you), a racing incident (as in Malaysia) where there were questions on either side…did Michael block twice…was Monty over eager…but the Williams had to come in for a nose change and the Ferrari did not have to serve a drive through penalty (not as in Malaysia)…is this a pattern I see before me!?

The crowd didn't care too much about this though, the man they'd come to see was storming through the field and the stands shook as 'Rubinho' fans jumped up and down (literally) as he passed first Ralfy into the Senna S and Schui next lap around…their joy was short-lived though as first the Interlagos jinx that Rubens has carried with him over the last eight years put paid to his race as last year's car suddenly developed reliability problems with a hydraulic failure and second and much worse they had to suffer the indignation of Martin Brundle patronising their support for the Brazilian by saying they obviously "have no idea what's going on"!! If a monkey can drive one of these cars then a monkey in a blindfold would have know Barrichello was on a light fuel load…give people some credit!!

Schui was always in control of this race and as such gets the 'Messiah' award for being the only human being (and that's debatable) that seems capable of saving us from… himself… unfortunately he is set to see out his career at Ferrari…and he wants to race until he's 40, another seven years!! I can already hum the Italian National Anthem and believe me I have absolutely no desire to learn the words so can somebody please STOP HIM!!

With brother Ralf picking up the pieces from the demise of his team-mate and battling closely with his sibling in the last laps, their parents must be so proud…but more to the point Willy Weber must have dollar signs in his eyes just at the mention of the name Schumacher!! Neither of them get the 'Happy Bunny' award though as they looked in dispute in Parc Ferme (waved arms and everything…that's harsh for them) and were in deep discussion on the podium…almost forgetting to accept their trophies…now what could that be about!? Suggestions welcome.

The 'Happy Bunny' award goes to Ross Brawn who was so pleased his strategy paid off and the car stayed on track (goes with the job I suppose)…but the straw that broke the camels back (excuse the pun) was the look of sheer delight on his face when he realised he could still fit on the podium at the same time as the three drivers…mind you that's rich coming from a woman that's just eaten her own weight in chocolate!!

In summary…the brothers Grim topped the podium and DC…who had to know he drove a crap race, sitting behind Trulli's Renault for an age…only passing him in the pits…still managed to take third spot in his girlfriend's home race…still it was good to see him smiling!! Button kept a charging Montoya out of fourth and Salo picked up another point for Toyota. The Jags finished (and who says miracles never happen) and so did Villeneuve, albeit behind Eddie…who in turn was in front of de la Rosa…no surprise there then!! Rubens didn't finish which also was no surprise!!

I can't go without giving out the final trophy 'The 'Chocolate Egg on the Face' award goes to Pèle (you know the guy…used to play a bit of football)…well he certainly scored a home goal here today as he mounted the starting gantry to wave the chequered flag as the winner crossed the line…he forgot one thing…to wave it!! Finally getting his act together by the time DC finished in third some 59 seconds later…

Until Imola.

Reproduced with permission from PenelopeF1.com

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