Today I made the unorthodox decision to ditch ITV in favour of Bernie Vision only to find "The Kevin and Perry Show"…Damon Hill and Perry McCarthy bickering like two old women in the studio…strangely though it was addictive and incredibly entertaining…if it wasn't for the fact that good old Sky 'forgot' to make their interactive facilities available I would have stayed there.

A couple of things I learnt while listening to Hinge and Bracket were firstly, that 'God' has got a tattoo…no not a real one…just pretend Chinese signs around his biceps which stand for Love, Friends, Dreams, Energy and Smiles…or at least that's what they told Michael and secondly it seems that McLaren are investigating the thermal properties of silk underwear now that Hugo Boss design their stuff…and I thought you only got this sort of material from trashy terrestrial channels but it appears that Damon Hill makes a much better pundit than he did driver!!

So back to ITV and the sucking up to Schui and DC begins…and it's not only the commentators, the FIA are not doing a bad job either…in warm up Michael runs blatantly across the white line on the exit of the pitlane only to be told it's not a problem (remember Ralfy last year!?)…then on his way round to the grid this afternoon he had a sly practice start, again this is against the rules…for anyone else!!

And it didn't stop there…but we'll come back to this later…well actually I can't come back to it because it just kept going!! At the start Schui did his trade mark "I've had a crap start so I'll cut across second place man" move…we'll let this one drop cos to be fair he only moved once unlike his team-mate in Melbourne but then as Monty goes around the outside, Michael understeers his Ferrari into the Williams damaging his own front wing…now don't get me wrong this was just a racing incident…right!? Don't be silly…I said yesterday that if Schui went off at the first corner the race would be restarted…well I was almost right…no red flags but Montoya had to serve a drive-thru penalty. This might seem like a silly question but…WHAT FOR?? It's like fining Evander Holyfield for putting his ear in Mike Tyson's mouth…or maybe racing is just against the rules now!?

Dehydration affects the ability to think and with the high humidity in Malaysia it certainly had its effect…and not only the drivers but let's leave the FIA's love for Ferrari aside for a moment as I'm getting a little hot under the collar too…I was told to drink a lot but nobody told me alcohol was not a good choice…

A race of attrition (there's those big words again)…only just over half the field finished and some of those limped home in the desperate attempt to do a 'Weber' and pick up points while they can. McLaren had a "terrible weekend" - DC's words not mine…both cars retiring with engine trouble followed by Barrichello showing the first sign of a reliability chink in the red armour that 'was' last year's car…bet the new one's in Brazil!!

There were some good moments during the race though as Sato took out Fisichella…a deliberate move on the part of the Japanese driver…not to ruin his or his team-mates race but figured that a slap from EJ and exclusion from their St Patrick's Day celebrations was preferable to having to drink Guinness all night. In contrast Irvine's move on Yoong ending both their races, was in order to get back early before all the best girls were spoken for!!

ITV gave driver of the day to Ralf Schumacher…now while I may be a fan and he didn't put a foot wrong all afternoon…he did nothing amazing either…except maybe not hitting anyone, staying on track and winning…but other than that…zip!! Now Button…he had a great battle with Monty…I said he would be a dark horse…and despite my misgivings I was actually sorry to see him lose his podium position in the last two laps to Schui…tell me if I'm wrong, Flavio's Italian right…just a thought!?

But the drive of the day for me has to go to Enrique Bernoldi…coming under pressure yet again from one of the 'big boys' he didn't let Michael rattle him anymore than he did DC in Monaco last year. He was battling for position and as Schui expectedly passed him, he went straight back passed the Ferrari…yes that's right he passed Michael Schumacher in a race situation…of course he lost out eventually but not without a fight…but just to give MS a bit of credit here, not a word of complaint from the German so at least he got that right…oh and it also won me a fiver…I knew he wasn't as bad as DC!!

Talking of McLaren, it seems that something is a foot in the state of Finland…as Kimi's car was brought back to the pits, filming was brought to an abrupt end as the mechanics, spotting the camera lens (sharp boys these MacHanics) pulled shut the shutters to hide the state of his tyres…specifically the front left slick…this with three Michelin in the top four spots bodes well for Ferrari's objection later this afternoon which would conveniently put three Ferrari engines on the revised podium (Schui, Heidfeld, Massa)…I wonder…

Well another race over and now to Brazil…which for me means I can get some sleep!!

Until then…

Reproduced with permission from PenelopeF1.com

Important! Views and opinions expressed in these articles do not necessarily coincide with the views and opinions of F1express.com.